Blog #3 since I started over and already it's hard to get on here and write. Basically, from what I know, nobody is even reading it. How depressing! That basically sums up my day today: depressing. My patience is really being tried and it feels like I'm failing. I calculated out how much I've spent in the past (approximately) 20 days - all out of necessity, like bills - and it is as much as I will make in the next month. It's about half of what I will have made all summer. So that started me off in not the best place. I tried to do my INSANITY workout later... and in an 80+ degree apartment that didn't go so well. I made it about half way through and couldn't take it. I decided I couldn't just do nothing, so I put on my shoes and went out for a jog. Back story here: I had my first day of physical therapy yesterday and was told I shouldn't be jogging because of the way my knee and ankle are... but I figured this one be my one last "hurrah." Turns out, I can't even jog half a mile anymore. A week and a half ago I jogged 3 miles. Let the unfortunate surge of negative emotions begin. There's still a little more to the story, but I just don't feel like sharing it on here (even if the chances that someone reads it are pretty slim).
Isn't it funny how when you are in a bad mood you just want junk food or sleep? Like that's going to help anything... especially if the reason you are upset is related to difficulties in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Sticks and Stones
We've all heard the saying before. Maybe we've even said it before. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." But in all reality, broken bones heal and it's the words that can leave the deepest scars. This was basically the message at church this morning - and one that I think everyone should hear. It came at a good time for me, especially. I've been working so much on honoring God through celebrating the strength He's given me that I maybe haven't been spending as much time as I should exercising (or in some aspects, limiting exercising) of another important group of muscles - my tongue. As James 3:10 says, "From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." How can we use our tongues both to praise God at one moment, and then use it to call others names, gossip, or make rude comments the next? Unfortunately, it comes all too easily... maybe because we don't think that our mouths - such a small part of us - can make a big difference. But fires start with kindling and sparks and even the biggest of rivers needs to start somewhere.
The pastor at the church I attended this morning had some good stories that illustrated this point. Remember the telephone game? You know, the one where the first person chooses a sentence, whispers it to the next person, who whispers it to the next, etc. By the end of the line, the sentence has usually gone some crazy transformation. The real life version of this game, we call the rumor mill. We might let ourselves tell a friend something little. There is no harm in sharing a little bit of information, right? ESPECIALLY when it's your best friend who would never, ever tell anyone else. Oh, but wait. That best friend probably has another best friend (or close friend) and thinks the same thing - "oh, it wouldn't hurt to just tell this one other person." This thinking goes on, and all of a sudden, that little piece of information has made its way to the masses and probably has added details that people along the line assumed and decided to include. This is where the pastor used a second story to metaphorically demonstrate what can happen. The pastor and his wife, who live on a hill, have a four-year-old son. The wife was pulling out the summer tires from under the deck, but had to go get something from the front of the house. Of course, she tells her little boy, "Don't touch the tires." It's probably no surprise, then, that when she came back, she found the boy at the top of the hill with a tire... and before she could get to him, he give it the slightest nudge down the hill. The wife is slightly upset, but laughs it off thinking that the tire will fall over and stop when it gets to the trees lining the highway at the bottom of the hill. Nope. It keeps going, gathering speed and bouncing over the highway into the neighboring development... and breaks through someone's front door. And it all began with the tiniest push.
Moral of the story, its time to try to tame the tongue and watch what we say. As the pastor said, "let our words teach and our actions preach." He also gave ten phrases that we should use daily:
1. I'm wrong
- Yes, this is hard to say sometimes. But, if you realize that you are mistaken, what is stopping you from admitting it? Pride? Doesn't it show more character to admit and try to fix one's flaws than to pretend they don't exist? Instead, take pride in knowing that you have the courage to admit your mistakes.
2. I'm sorry
- Say it and MEAN it. It's surprising how much one little "I'm sorry" can make a difference.
3. Please forgive me
- Never be ashamed to ask for forgiveness!
4. I believe in you
- Do you remember being little and trying to do something you've never done before? Like going on the monkey bars. It felt SO GOOD to have someone tell you "you can do it!" It's STILL inspiring to hear those words, and can really make a difference to someone going through a hard time.
5. I'm proud of you
- We all want affirmation. It feels great to be recognized for a job well done, a good deed, etc.
6. Thank you
- Hopefully you all knew this one, anyway...
7. I need you
- Don't be afraid to admit that you can't do something on your own. You might need help, and the other person might need purpose.
8. I trust you
- Remember the last time someone said this to you? How did it feel? Gosh darn good, that's how it felt!
9. I respect you
- Let someone have some them time. Are you someone who walks into a room and says "HERE I AM!" or are you the one who walks in and says "Oh, there you are!"?
10. I love you
- DON'T LET ANYONE FORGET THAT THEY ARE LOVED! It's a big, big world out there and sometimes we just need to be reminded that we are treasured.
So that about sums up the sermon. Another thing I get a little taste of today was patience. Right after throwing all my ingredients into the crock pot for dinner tonight, I realized that the lid was missing. My best guess is that one of my past two roommates accidentally took it home with them when they moved out. Bummer. So I fashioned an improvised lid of tinfoil and a pie pan. Let it sit for two hours, added in the chicken broth and rice... then decided to read the chicken broth container. I am by no means a cook. I don't claim to know anything about cooking. Turns out I should have read the container after I first used it two months ago... as I then would have known to keep it in the refrigerator and use it within 14 days. Being that neither of those things happened and chicken broth that has expired is potentially deadly, I threw out all of my dinner (plus leftovers for the next two weeks. It called for 3lbs of chicken!!)
But, God is good. I told my neighbor what had happened and he invited me over for a good, home-cooked dinner of chicken (covered in all sorts of spices that I didn't even know existed!), rice, and a veggie mix (red cabbage, carrots, bok choy, red pepper and onion). Probably much healthier than what I was going to eat, and much better company, too :)
I was also able to get in my INSANITY workout and 2 (separate) one-mile jogs. Uff. Two more days of INSANITY before my break day. I'm ready to let my body rest!
The pastor at the church I attended this morning had some good stories that illustrated this point. Remember the telephone game? You know, the one where the first person chooses a sentence, whispers it to the next person, who whispers it to the next, etc. By the end of the line, the sentence has usually gone some crazy transformation. The real life version of this game, we call the rumor mill. We might let ourselves tell a friend something little. There is no harm in sharing a little bit of information, right? ESPECIALLY when it's your best friend who would never, ever tell anyone else. Oh, but wait. That best friend probably has another best friend (or close friend) and thinks the same thing - "oh, it wouldn't hurt to just tell this one other person." This thinking goes on, and all of a sudden, that little piece of information has made its way to the masses and probably has added details that people along the line assumed and decided to include. This is where the pastor used a second story to metaphorically demonstrate what can happen. The pastor and his wife, who live on a hill, have a four-year-old son. The wife was pulling out the summer tires from under the deck, but had to go get something from the front of the house. Of course, she tells her little boy, "Don't touch the tires." It's probably no surprise, then, that when she came back, she found the boy at the top of the hill with a tire... and before she could get to him, he give it the slightest nudge down the hill. The wife is slightly upset, but laughs it off thinking that the tire will fall over and stop when it gets to the trees lining the highway at the bottom of the hill. Nope. It keeps going, gathering speed and bouncing over the highway into the neighboring development... and breaks through someone's front door. And it all began with the tiniest push.
Moral of the story, its time to try to tame the tongue and watch what we say. As the pastor said, "let our words teach and our actions preach." He also gave ten phrases that we should use daily:
1. I'm wrong
- Yes, this is hard to say sometimes. But, if you realize that you are mistaken, what is stopping you from admitting it? Pride? Doesn't it show more character to admit and try to fix one's flaws than to pretend they don't exist? Instead, take pride in knowing that you have the courage to admit your mistakes.
2. I'm sorry
- Say it and MEAN it. It's surprising how much one little "I'm sorry" can make a difference.
3. Please forgive me
- Never be ashamed to ask for forgiveness!
4. I believe in you
- Do you remember being little and trying to do something you've never done before? Like going on the monkey bars. It felt SO GOOD to have someone tell you "you can do it!" It's STILL inspiring to hear those words, and can really make a difference to someone going through a hard time.
5. I'm proud of you
- We all want affirmation. It feels great to be recognized for a job well done, a good deed, etc.
6. Thank you
- Hopefully you all knew this one, anyway...
7. I need you
- Don't be afraid to admit that you can't do something on your own. You might need help, and the other person might need purpose.
8. I trust you
- Remember the last time someone said this to you? How did it feel? Gosh darn good, that's how it felt!
9. I respect you
- Let someone have some them time. Are you someone who walks into a room and says "HERE I AM!" or are you the one who walks in and says "Oh, there you are!"?
10. I love you
- DON'T LET ANYONE FORGET THAT THEY ARE LOVED! It's a big, big world out there and sometimes we just need to be reminded that we are treasured.
So that about sums up the sermon. Another thing I get a little taste of today was patience. Right after throwing all my ingredients into the crock pot for dinner tonight, I realized that the lid was missing. My best guess is that one of my past two roommates accidentally took it home with them when they moved out. Bummer. So I fashioned an improvised lid of tinfoil and a pie pan. Let it sit for two hours, added in the chicken broth and rice... then decided to read the chicken broth container. I am by no means a cook. I don't claim to know anything about cooking. Turns out I should have read the container after I first used it two months ago... as I then would have known to keep it in the refrigerator and use it within 14 days. Being that neither of those things happened and chicken broth that has expired is potentially deadly, I threw out all of my dinner (plus leftovers for the next two weeks. It called for 3lbs of chicken!!)
But, God is good. I told my neighbor what had happened and he invited me over for a good, home-cooked dinner of chicken (covered in all sorts of spices that I didn't even know existed!), rice, and a veggie mix (red cabbage, carrots, bok choy, red pepper and onion). Probably much healthier than what I was going to eat, and much better company, too :)
I was also able to get in my INSANITY workout and 2 (separate) one-mile jogs. Uff. Two more days of INSANITY before my break day. I'm ready to let my body rest!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
If at first you don't succeed...
Try, try again. Clearly, my last attempt at blogging was nowhere near successful. I even went back and deleted a couple of my posts because they were just plain bad. Who knows, this one might not be any better, but it's worth a shot.
I seem to go through these phases in life - ones in which I look back at the past few years, decide I wasn't living how I wanted to, and jump into change-everything-for-the-better mode. But this time seems different and I hope that's because it is. A little less than a year ago I moved from Minnesota to Montana which was a HUGE deal for me. I've lived in Minnesota my entire life, with the exception of the 3-month travel abroad stint I had in Alicante, Spain (which I LOVED). For some reason, though, moving to Montana was different. Maybe it's because this time, I was moving. It wasn't a vacation of sorts, it was a pack-everything-I-own-into-my-Sentra move. A move-to-a-place-where-I-know-nobody move. And it wasn't this fun, exciting, foreign place... it was "just" Montana and involved graduate school, another thing I wasn't looking forward to. Well, it was difficult, but I made it through both semesters and I can officially say I've completed my first year of grad school. Looking back on it is crazy. I made one of the best friends I've had here who inspired me all along the way, in many ways. But the were still actions I was taking that I wasn't happy with. I wasn't appreciating things how I should have been... but things were still good because I was surrounding myself with people that I loved. I was hardly ever alone - I had my roommate, Kate, whenever I was at home. And if I wasn't at home, I was either at the office with some fabulous coworkers, hanging out with Char (the inspirational best friend), or spending time with Simon (the foreign boyfriend who got me to expand my mind further and see things from different perspectives... as well as try new foods). Life was splendid, for the most part. But then, all too soon (and in the same week), Kate and Char graduated and moved back to Illinois and Minnesota, respectively, and Simon headed back to Norway for the summer. The three people in Missoula that I held closest to me all disappeared.
The weather wasn't helping when it decided to match my mood and put Missoula in a 2-week drizzling/downpouring/never getting above 55 degrees rut. I starting hating Missoula. I had never wanted to be back home with friends and family so badly. Being stuck indoors without anyone to turn to gives you a lot of time to think about your life. So I did just that. I thought about how I'd changed, how I'd grown, and how I'd "let myself go," too. Don't get my wrong, it's not like I stopped taking care of myself completely, gained 40 pounds and never got off the couch. I was still a busy girl, my body didn't undergo some morbid transformation. No. However, I had let my heart go.
I'm usually not a preachy person... but I'm about to be, so if you aren't into that, you can either close out of this blog, skip it, or go along and see what I have to say, anyway. I wasn't necessarily the most devoted Christian growing up, but I attended church once in a while, went on Mission trips, and even served as a "Lifeguide," helping with the weekly Bible classes held for middle schoolers. I went to a Lutheran college and went to the church service once every few weeks. I still volunteered some and was doing alright. But eventually I stopped going to church. Then, I eventually realized that I stopped praying, other than the "Please, God, let me finish this paper in time" which frankly isn't praying at all. I wasn't even stopping to appreciate the blessings that I was being given. And it took me until I was physically alone to realize that I'm not as happy as I could be because I let myself become "alone" spiritually. I use quotations because I know that I will never actually BE alone. Christ will always be with me (which I have been reminded of by my dear friend, Jess). But I had allowed myself to turn my back. So stemming from this "ah-ha!" moment came the decision to change my life. It wasn't an easy decision and it sure isn't an easy process, but it is one that I'm trying hard to stick with. So, you are all welcome to stick with me through this, follow my blog, and lend your support.
One of the things that I decided to change was how I treated my body. I wasn't necessarily horrible to it before, but I wasn't treating it like the gift it was, either. For the past few weeks, I've been working out and trying to eat healthier. I started out with a jogging program where I would jog for 2 minutes and walk for 2 minutes (for a total of 20 minutes) with the intention of eventually adding to the jogging minutes and taking away from the walking minutes. Don't be fooled, people. Just because I'm small doesn't mean I'm in shape. This was incredibly difficult for me. I found myself completely out of breath after the 2 minutes of jogging and wanted to give up half way through the 20-minutes. At first, it seemed to get better really slowly, but I pushed myself in ways that I had never done before, always telling myself that I was given this body and I need to take care of it. With the combination of eating better (I still can't bring myself to say that I'm eating right. After all, I am still a graduate student with limited income and very little cooking skill), stretching, good old music, Body By Vi shake mix, and prayer, within about two weeks, I was able to jog over 2 miles without stopping or walking. My body was doing things it wasn't able to ever do before and I couldn't be more thankful for that.
Obviously, I don't just want to change (strengthen) my body with this whole process. I want to strengthen my heart and my relationship with God. I'm still looking for a church in Montana that I feel really comfortable at. It is a little difficult sometimes because there are issues that I definitely take a more liberal stance on... clearly different than a lot of churches. I don't really want a church that tells me to fear God. I want a church that speaks of His love and helps me to show that love to other people. So, if any Montanans are reading this and have some suggestions, PLEASE feel free to share!
For those of you who are maybe going through similar feelings of having let go of yourself (spiritually, mentally, and/or physically), hopefully you find solace in knowing you aren't alone... or better yet, motivation to make a change. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize what you really want. So I'm thankful I did.
[EDIT]
I found this less than a day after this post, and it completely fits. Divine moment :)
I seem to go through these phases in life - ones in which I look back at the past few years, decide I wasn't living how I wanted to, and jump into change-everything-for-the-better mode. But this time seems different and I hope that's because it is. A little less than a year ago I moved from Minnesota to Montana which was a HUGE deal for me. I've lived in Minnesota my entire life, with the exception of the 3-month travel abroad stint I had in Alicante, Spain (which I LOVED). For some reason, though, moving to Montana was different. Maybe it's because this time, I was moving. It wasn't a vacation of sorts, it was a pack-everything-I-own-into-my-Sentra move. A move-to-a-place-where-I-know-nobody move. And it wasn't this fun, exciting, foreign place... it was "just" Montana and involved graduate school, another thing I wasn't looking forward to. Well, it was difficult, but I made it through both semesters and I can officially say I've completed my first year of grad school. Looking back on it is crazy. I made one of the best friends I've had here who inspired me all along the way, in many ways. But the were still actions I was taking that I wasn't happy with. I wasn't appreciating things how I should have been... but things were still good because I was surrounding myself with people that I loved. I was hardly ever alone - I had my roommate, Kate, whenever I was at home. And if I wasn't at home, I was either at the office with some fabulous coworkers, hanging out with Char (the inspirational best friend), or spending time with Simon (the foreign boyfriend who got me to expand my mind further and see things from different perspectives... as well as try new foods). Life was splendid, for the most part. But then, all too soon (and in the same week), Kate and Char graduated and moved back to Illinois and Minnesota, respectively, and Simon headed back to Norway for the summer. The three people in Missoula that I held closest to me all disappeared.
The weather wasn't helping when it decided to match my mood and put Missoula in a 2-week drizzling/downpouring/never getting above 55 degrees rut. I starting hating Missoula. I had never wanted to be back home with friends and family so badly. Being stuck indoors without anyone to turn to gives you a lot of time to think about your life. So I did just that. I thought about how I'd changed, how I'd grown, and how I'd "let myself go," too. Don't get my wrong, it's not like I stopped taking care of myself completely, gained 40 pounds and never got off the couch. I was still a busy girl, my body didn't undergo some morbid transformation. No. However, I had let my heart go.
I'm usually not a preachy person... but I'm about to be, so if you aren't into that, you can either close out of this blog, skip it, or go along and see what I have to say, anyway. I wasn't necessarily the most devoted Christian growing up, but I attended church once in a while, went on Mission trips, and even served as a "Lifeguide," helping with the weekly Bible classes held for middle schoolers. I went to a Lutheran college and went to the church service once every few weeks. I still volunteered some and was doing alright. But eventually I stopped going to church. Then, I eventually realized that I stopped praying, other than the "Please, God, let me finish this paper in time" which frankly isn't praying at all. I wasn't even stopping to appreciate the blessings that I was being given. And it took me until I was physically alone to realize that I'm not as happy as I could be because I let myself become "alone" spiritually. I use quotations because I know that I will never actually BE alone. Christ will always be with me (which I have been reminded of by my dear friend, Jess). But I had allowed myself to turn my back. So stemming from this "ah-ha!" moment came the decision to change my life. It wasn't an easy decision and it sure isn't an easy process, but it is one that I'm trying hard to stick with. So, you are all welcome to stick with me through this, follow my blog, and lend your support.
One of the things that I decided to change was how I treated my body. I wasn't necessarily horrible to it before, but I wasn't treating it like the gift it was, either. For the past few weeks, I've been working out and trying to eat healthier. I started out with a jogging program where I would jog for 2 minutes and walk for 2 minutes (for a total of 20 minutes) with the intention of eventually adding to the jogging minutes and taking away from the walking minutes. Don't be fooled, people. Just because I'm small doesn't mean I'm in shape. This was incredibly difficult for me. I found myself completely out of breath after the 2 minutes of jogging and wanted to give up half way through the 20-minutes. At first, it seemed to get better really slowly, but I pushed myself in ways that I had never done before, always telling myself that I was given this body and I need to take care of it. With the combination of eating better (I still can't bring myself to say that I'm eating right. After all, I am still a graduate student with limited income and very little cooking skill), stretching, good old music, Body By Vi shake mix, and prayer, within about two weeks, I was able to jog over 2 miles without stopping or walking. My body was doing things it wasn't able to ever do before and I couldn't be more thankful for that.
Obviously, I don't just want to change (strengthen) my body with this whole process. I want to strengthen my heart and my relationship with God. I'm still looking for a church in Montana that I feel really comfortable at. It is a little difficult sometimes because there are issues that I definitely take a more liberal stance on... clearly different than a lot of churches. I don't really want a church that tells me to fear God. I want a church that speaks of His love and helps me to show that love to other people. So, if any Montanans are reading this and have some suggestions, PLEASE feel free to share!
For those of you who are maybe going through similar feelings of having let go of yourself (spiritually, mentally, and/or physically), hopefully you find solace in knowing you aren't alone... or better yet, motivation to make a change. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize what you really want. So I'm thankful I did.
[EDIT]
I found this less than a day after this post, and it completely fits. Divine moment :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)